15 Megs of Fame

Diaryland's da bomb I just *have* to tell you how much this all sucks. Who're these other people he's writing about? Who's the freak writing this, anyway? What's gone before. What's going on right now? Where do *you* visit on the web? What're you building right now?


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  Another smart-assed remark from Mike
Cast of
the critically-ignored docudrama
that is my life.

(Last perused and prodded on April 15, 2001,
and currently under construction.)


known online
Known online.
known in real life
Known in "the real world."
their online journal
Their online journal.





Some I can call “friend” with a straight face:

Carrot Top known onlineknown in real life  *Finished*

  • Male, single, sneaking up on his thirties, and living in the Houston area (formerly incarcerated in the Republic of Texas).
  • My best friend in junior high and the first couple years of high school, and used to live just down the street in a house that burned down not terribly long after the moved away. Carrot Top still occasionally drifts through my life, often leaving a little confusion and upset in his wake. Lately, though, our interactions haven't been all that bad.
  • The Carrot Top I'd known had changed somewhere, though - he turned into a "bad seed." While he was overseas in the Navy he embezzled some money (handy being in the paymaster corps, huh?) and went AWOL, and got caught as soon as he got off the plane back here in Houston. (When he did this, it was the first time I ever got a visit from a government agent. (Yeah, first time.)) He spent about eighteen months in the federal pen for it, and after he got out he tried to rekindle our friendship, but we were just too different by that point.
  • Not too long afterwards, Carrot Top was incarcerated once again, this time in state prison for... something. I'm not too sure I'm interested enough to find out for what, exactly, although apparently it had something to do with drugs, which bothers me on number of levels. (Was it possession? Dealing? If it's possession, why are they picking on him? If it was dealing, what has happened to him to make him ruin people's lives like that?)
  • Carrot Top has a daughter, but the mother of his child died not too long ago. Now he's staring down the gullet of single parenthood.
  • We've been spending some more time together than we had been... well, at least until I met my current girlfriend, and his ex died. Now we don't seem to have much time for each other again.

Crafty known onlinetheir online journal

  • Female, married, mid-to-late forties, somewhere not too terribly far from the Mason-Dixon line.
  • She's one of my best friends and confidants, and one of the main reasons I can actually be here to write this.
  • She's probably the most genuine and caring person I've ever met in my entire life.
  • Like most everybody I've met in the last while, she suffers from her particular brand of mood disorder. She seems to have it under control for the most part, though. I'm envious!
  • Beanie babies and butterflies. 'Nuff said.
  • She claims that she's a "misfit geekette." Perhaps that's true, owing that she seems to enjoy my company, and her husband is a classic geek, and her son is apparently a geek, too. However, she doesn't seem to grok that geeks are misfits by definition, so maybe she's too little of a misfit to be a geek. (That's okay, though - remember, "the geek shall inherit the earth" (let's hope that they didn't mean Bill Gates).)
  • She seems to think it's funny to point out the similarities between her husband and myself. Neither one of us seems to like it very much, though.
  • Crafty loves to make arts and crafts items, and she's a pretty good artist, too, so that's where the name comes from. We've joked about her a "sneaky nature," from time to time, too, though.

Gillian known onlineknown in real life (a bit of a misnomer)  *Finished*

  • Female, single (processor), about two and a half years old, lives and works with me.
  • Gillian's my computer. I name computers the way hot rod guys name their cars. Others since I've named computers: Dana, Cindy, April.
  • Gillian is named after Gillian Anderson, owing to my redhead fetish. I'd already staked out the name for my next machine, Alyson (after Alyson Hannigan), but decided that I didn't want to name it that after a while. Whatever it is, it'll probably be either a dual-processor or non-Intel Linux box, and hopefully coming soon.
  • Yes, Gillian is old, but she's constantly upgraded. She's got two large drives in her and 512 megs of PC-133 memory. I've considered getting her a 700 MHz Pentium /// (the biggest processor the BIOS supports) to replace this old 400 MHz Pentium //, but then again, she'll make a sweet MySQL or PostgreSQL database server someday, so why break up the set?
  • I'm hedging - do I really want to put Win2K Pro on her after two and a half years as a Windows 98 box? Fear and loathing runs rampant, but Photoshop 6 would be so much more stable...

Kirk known in real life

  • Male, living with his partner Jason, mid-thirties, living in a small hick town (are there any other kind of small towns in the Republic of Texas?) north of Houston, Republic of Texas.
  • I've worked with Kirk at a couple different places, all in the language industry. Fortunately, I'm out of that business now, and he's trying to get out of it, too (or is just talking about it, like he has since I've known him).
  • I live in abject fear of him finding this journal, because despite the fact that he's a great friend and I like him a lot, in this journal I've focused on a few negative aspects, as I tend to do when I write about my life and some of the people in it (this is something I've really been trying to work on). It isn't nearly a fair reflection of the person he is.
  • Kirk is a really nice guy. He's a little "frou-frou" and fussy about some things for me, though, but at least he realizes that about other people and has a sense of humor about it.
  • Sometimes I get a little annoyed with Kirk because he goes through spots where he seems to only call because he needs something. (And Kirk wonders why during those times, I tend not to call him back.) Fortunately, this is improving, too, but I still suck at returning his calls (much less anybody else's).
  • Unfortunately, since Houston is urban sprawl at its "best," I don't get to see Kirk very much, so sometimes we tend to drift. Lately, things have been okay, though.

Moogie known in real life

  • Female, divorced, late forties, living in the same house as me, and it drives both of us crazy.
  • My mother, and named "Moogie" because that's Ferengi for "mommy." (When she first asked me why I called her that, she I told her because she looked like Quark's moogie - her ears are big and her breasts are saggy. (I don't think she thought that was funny.))
  • She tends to assume what you're doing is never as urgent or important as what she has on her schedule. (Lately I've been railing against that and asserting that I have my time again, and I think perhaps she sees that in herself, now, so it's not nearly as bad.)
  • She probably would probably have been better off working as a caterer or chef than doing clerical work (not to mention enjoyed it a lot more), but it seems to be a little late to start changing careers at her age.
  • She's just an incredibly hard woman to get along with much of the time. I think she lives by the credo "misery loves company," so if she's miserable, you need to be, too. Then again, that pretty much explains my whole family.
  • If mood disorders have a genetic root, then I definitely got this from her. (Sometimes I tends to think my father has obsessive-compulsive and paranoid personality disorders, though, so maybe that explains more of me...)

Mr. Paranoia known in real life (not a person, but as problematic as one)

  • Neuter, seems to be "wedded" to me, about fifteen years old, apparently, and never leaves my side.
  • Mr. Paranoia is my constant companion. Usually I can make him sit down, shut up and be good, but some days he's more persistent or stronger than I am and he refuses to sit down, and nothing I can do can shut him up.
  • There've been times in my life since I started having very strong mood disorders where I haven't had a problem with paranoia. I wish I could figure out what was going on then so I could get rid of it now. I figure the sort I have now, more in interpersonal situations, is just the result of some sort of deep-seated insecurity, but that doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Poet known onlinetheir online journal

  • Female, separated and in the process of getting a divorce but living with a new partner, mid-thirties, was living in Georgia, but is moving back to Missouri for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is her children.
  • A friend and confidant I met online. She showed her real friendship when she offered to kick Hypochondria's butt for me once. If I really thought she was serious, I'd take her up on it and stream video of the event to the 'net.
  • Her birthday is on Christmas eve. That probably sucked as a kid, huh?
  • Claims she hasn't been feeling "poetic" lately. She should change that. (Post some poetry in your Diaryland journal! Hint, hint...)

Restlessmind known onlineknown in real lifetheir online journal (a/k/a "Mike")

  • Male, hopelessly single, late twenties, living in a small cesspool next to a larger cesspool known as Houston in the Republic of Texas.
  • I'm the author of this series of rantings and drivel. Someday I'll get the "about me" page done to my satisfaction and post it. People have asked about it, so I guess it'd be a good investment of my time.

Tabitha known online

  • Female, divorced, mid-thirties, living in, like, ohmigawd, the San Fernando Valley, y'knauw? (Totally!)
  • She was a really good friend of mine, I saw her quite regularly, but then she dropped off the face of the earth.
    I had no idea where she went, until she came back for one day, and then disappeared again. See, she's is given to mood disorders, too, and had been in the hospital.
    I'd finally decided she was probably gone, but she showed up not too long after that. She is still coming around occasionally, and needs to keep doing that (hint, hint).
  • She's got a thing for Stephen King novels, but won't watch The X-Files. Pretty strange to me.
  • She's pretty talented, and if she'd just get past these problems then I bet she could really do something great. She's talked before about setting up a biz to organize other businesses with an eye towards efficiency.

Xander known onlineknown in real life (in the past?)

  • Male, married, early thirties, living in the Republic of Texas' Hill Country.
  • Formerly my boss at my last regular job, and then my business partner. I was slowly going insane, though, so I gave up the business. Xander is still toughing it out in the business and working a full-time job, though, and more power to him.
  • I can't believe Xander sold his baby, a blue '67 RS/SS Camaro he was restoring. I always assumed Xander would sell his wife first. This is a sign of Too Much Domestication™.
  • Xander's known to have a temper. And an attitude. And a mouth. Despite that, Xander is a really good guy. Still, we're drifting apart slowly because there isn't enough bond there to keep us communicating.

"I Will Remember You"
Album: "Rarities, B-Sides and Other Stuff", Sarah McLachlan

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

  Gone, but not forgotten (yet... I’m working on it):

Bert known onlineknown in real life  *Finished*

  • Male, divorced (or he was, who knows now), mid-twenties, living in the desert southwest.
  • I met him many years ago on a H/P/V/A board. I've known Bert for about half of his life.
  • I never met him in real life until he discovered Bert was marrying somebody I knew in real life already. (Let it never be said I didn't warn him.)
  • I used to "mentor" him, but now Bert is more like the Darth Vader quote from Star Wars: "Once I was the pupil, but now I am the master." It's okay - I'm secure in my suckage.
  • Bert makes an obscene amount of money doing his job, and then makes an even more obscene amount doing consulting on the side. He hopes to parlay this money into being able to retire by age thirty and practice his music or something.
  • I've not kept up with Bert, so I can't even say if we're really friends anymore. (Then again, I'm not keeping up with much of anybody like I used to.)

Booby known online(1999-2000)  *Finished*

  • Female, single, late teens, living in the Pacific Northwest.
  • She was a good friend and my "adopted little sister." I guess I should stop adopting people like her.
  • We seemed to understand each other because for some reason, we had a lot of the same issues in life. Even when we talk about our younger lives, we seem to have similar experiences. It makes me worry that she's going to end up like me.
  • What makes it all the more entertaining that she walked away from me, is that she said I was too depressing sometimes. I think she just likes to blame a lot of her own problems on other people. Nonetheless, I've decided that I don't need people like her in my life anymore.
  • Changes her site designs entirely too much.
  • Disclaimer: this is her real nickname! I didn't give her this name. (Get your minds out of the gutter.)

Eleanor known online (1999)

  • Female, relationship status changes faster than the weather, mid-twenties, living in the great frozen northern wastelands.
  • Sometimes she has a tendency to let her life get a little out of her control, which I can soooo identify with, but at least I'm trying to get mine back together. Unfortunately, this has meant that I have to dispense with this friendship, since I can't take the constant change and roller-coaster nature of it all and maintain my own sanity.
  • She seems to be the only currently living human being who seems to have as many problems with relationships as I do.
  • She's moving in with a woman she met online, and I have my serious doubts. I mean, I expect it to go through the usual: when she gets into somebody in her life locally, she drops our friendship like a hot rock, and when it falls apart she comes back and is there all the time. This time, I've decided to let it stay behind me. I'm sick of roller-coaster relationships with people. If they want to go, then go, and good riddance.

Evita known in real life *Finished*

  • Female, married but getting a divorce (or something. Like I care?), age indeterminate (to me, anyway), living in Houston, Republic of Texas.
  • Kirk's ex-boss, before he went back to northern California to take a job at the Big Ivy League Medical School’. She owns a small language training firm trying to break into other areas of the business (like translations).
  • Given my experience in the language industry and people who run firms like that, I wouldn't trust her any further than I could throw her. Like others in the industry, she's fairly scheming and calculating, and most definitely only out for number one, although I guess she's not as bad as most (despite stories I've heard). But then, I'm bitter given my other experiences working for language companies, and then trying to own one.

Geegee known onlineknown in real life (1989-1993)

  • Female, married, then in late teens/early twenties, living in the Rockies with her husband ([grumble]) and daughter ([grumble][grumble]).
  • My "lost love." True to form, I met her on the internet, specifically in a Star Trek newsgroup. We flamed each other quite a while regarding the subtleties of transporter technology. Geek-a-rama, and I loved every bit of it. Thank goodness we were both at the same university campus, none of this long-distance mess.
  • She's probably the primary reason for the perpetuation of my redhead and geek girl fetishes.
  • I've carried a torch for this girl since I pushed her away when she insisted that I get some help for my moods and depression. (Better late than never, huh?) I guess I've carried that torch up until recently. Okay, maybe still, although it's gotten a little better since I got a little closure with the whole affair. (I'm surprised Gurugrrl has never killed me over that comment.)
  • Geegee actually managed to follow her career dreams to an extent, for which I envy her greatly. Unfortunately, it appears that her life hasn't turned out quite as she would have expected. I have to wonder how our lives would be different if we had worked out.

Gurugrrl known online (1999-2000)

  • Female, single, early thirties, living in the "sticks" near the eastern seaboard's urban sprawl.
  • She's an extremely intelligent and fascinating girl geek that I met when we both were having a particularly weak moment. I was taken with her from the first, and she said she was with me, also. Too bad it didn't last.
  • She is an eater of vegetables, a lover of musicals, groupie to The Bard, Queen of Grilled Cheese World (don't ask), a master of juggling too many responsibilities and crazy enough to own an over-the-counter brand computer. She was the light of my life, but all wasn't well in paradise.
  • Our relationship was extremely variable with time ("roller coaster" described it quite well; we had more than our share of problems), as are all relationships between people suffering from depression. Our moods never seemed to line up properly, and though I am getting help with mine, she resisted doing the same for hers.
  • She is private in the extreme, which always ran afoul of me writing about her in my journal, including this cast list. It was annoying at times, and I tried to get her to realize there was no danger in her being discovered, to no avail.
  • She said she isn't ready, whatever that means. Ready for a serious relationship? Ready to face her depression? Ready to let go of the pain? I have no idea. She's also said that she was down and didn't see that changing, and had been upset quite a bit of the time because I tend to focus on her depression because I was constantly trying to get her to face it and deal with it for both of our goods, and didn't see me changing on insisting on that.
  • Finally, when I became interested in Trinity, that was the final straw, and pushed the final wedge between us. She's gone forever.

Hypochondria known online (1999)

  • Female, single, mid-twenties, currently living near the Ozarks.
  • A mistake I made that is best considered a "growth experience." I became infatuated with this girl, but definitely not for the best, because when you deal with plastic people you get what you deserve.
  • She's probably best considered either fickle or a tease.
  • She's got an encyclopedic knowledge of medicines and medical therapies. Once I thought it was because she told me how she had wanted to become a doctor. Through experience, I realized that it's because she's probably had most of them at least once for some malady (real or, more likely, imagined, thus the name). Let's put it this way - anybody who brags that she's only 24 and has been through a drug-induced menopause already... well, you have to wonder.
  • She's shut me out her life, and made sure to get as many others as possible to shut me out, too. Little does she know that over the long run, she's probably done me a favor. Now if they'd just stay away. (Occasionally I may mention some of the others in her brood (I like to call them "The Three Stooges"), including a an ill-tempered descendant of Nazi Germany called Goosestepgirl and a particularly self-indulgent Brit I call Digestive Biscuit.)

MDM known onlineknown in real life (a/k/a "Metal Death Music", 1996-1997)

  • Male, once married (now unsure), then in late twenties, currently living in Pacific Northwest.
  • MDM is this genericized fellow computer geek who got the idea once that I was a really bright and had a future doing something, so he was going to work out some sort of business arrangement with me, as well as being a pretty good friend.
  • However, MDM changed his mind at some point. I'm still trying to bitterly work out what happened.
  • I have to wonder to myself what would happen if I contacted him after all these years? Would he blow me off? That goes with about anybody on this part of the list, I suppose.

Snowbound known online (1999)

  • Female, married, early forties, living in a state that doesn't exist ("there's no such place as North Dakota!").
  • She had been an occasional shoulder for me to cry on, or at least it seemed to work out that way.
  • She's a much better friend of Eleanor than of mine, and I haven't heard from her in a while, so I imagine that she's probably essentially passed out of my life, I just haven't been informed of that fact yet.
  • She's a serious .mp3 fiend, especially for her age.

Trinity known online (2000)

  • Female, separated, mid-thirties, living near the beach in southern California.
  • A writer, an artist, a conversationalist, a treasure.
  • She originally wrote me because she was researching online journals as a new literary form, and ran across mine on Yahoo. We started talking, and then talking every night, and after not too long we were spending all our time together.
  • She says that she's a freak magnet. Apparently, at some point I fell under the rubric of "freak," too, so she has started to keep me pushed away.
  • Everything between us was so easy. We both commented on it. It was like we'd known each other our whole lives. It was very strange, but also very wonderful. Unfortunately, without it things don't seem right, and I don't know if it's worth keeping the relationship going without the former intensity.
  • If she's a little off-kilter, it's probably because she works for a defense contractor. The Military-Industrial Complex takes its toll on people.
  • Nobody had ever become this important to me so quickly, and she said the same about me. Apparently either I was mistaken, or she was using a bit too much hyperbole, because now I am to be shunned for the most part because I am a net detriment to her life. If I am so awful, I just want to leave her behind.
  • I fell for her. Now I don't know if I regret meeting her altogether or should feel bad about myself because it was my (in)famous pronounced mood changes (when I'm not under the influence of Remeron) that scared her away.
  • The final straw that drove Gurugrrl away.

Violet known online (1999-2000)

  • Female, single, early-to-mid-twenties, living in sunny Florida.
  • A warez babe.
  • Currently studying psychology in college (although she said in her journal that's probably changing to journalism, and she studied dance before... hey, I thought I was the only one who had changed majors that much!), but I think she goes for the party atmosphere, personally.
  • She owns entirely too many shoes. I tend to own two or three pairs and wear them a lot. She's probably got as many as Imelda Marcos.
  • She has a penchant for Disney characters. Hasn't anybody ever told you that Disney is an evil, manipulative megacorp, dear?
  • She lives in a very silly place, considering that she claims to be as afraid of hurricanes as I am.
  • Has been known to use Yiddish and Spanish expressions, confirming my stereotypical preconception that Miami is full of Cubans and old Jewish people (Violet calls this mythical Miami resident a "jewban").

Yaddanessknown online (1999-2000) *Finished*

  • Female, single, early twenties, living in the American Hell (the Midwest).
  • Probably the first person to notice my journal on Diaryland. After that we started to bug each other. [smirk]
  • A redhead! Woohoo!
  • I sort of lost track of her, like I do so many other people, which is just as well - we weren't anything alike.